The Loss of a Child
When they’re taken from us
We’re left with a gaping, bleeding, wound
And nothing, NOTHING can stop the crushing pain
But for the return of our child
As of October 14, 2014 my life changed forever when my son Chad died. There are no words to describe the bitter pain that losing him has caused. My heart will go on breaking until the day I see him in Heaven.
Who knew there was another world out there, a club called ‘Grieving Parents.’ It’s a long, dark journey of sorrow and grief. It’s a life sentence, a lonely road only those who’ve lost a child can possibly understand the utter despair which, at times, takes us to the brink of death. For any grieving parent, know that you’re not alone because we suffer together in a pain that’s greater than all others; all of us have closed our eyes in exhaustion only to be awakened by that crushing pain we’re forced to endure. I’m truly sorry for each and every one of you. There is nothing left but to trust God.
We have no choice but to begin the journey whether it’s to stay in bed and weep or get up and force ourselves to live in a world that’s become strange and distant. And we hope our friends and family understand that we will never be the same.
Every parent wants their children to be alive; we miss them when they’re away for only a day, every day. But when they’ve left this earth no matter where we are it’s as if we’re drowning in a thick pool of grief. Everything reminds us of them. Losing a child is impossible for some of us to ever accept, especially when the death could have easily been prevented. It’s normal to pray that God will bring our children back. The first few weeks thinking that Chad might return kept me from dying of a broken heart. There were a few times when the pain was so great (an indescribable tormenting pain) I would’ve died without a reprieve from God; that day he allowed me to block everything out. What I wouldn’t give not to be woken each day with that crushing pain once again.
Outside we may look calm, but inside we’re a mess just trying to get through the next minute. There is no way we’re going to “just get over it” we can’t even if we try because we’re consumed by the loss of our child. Part of the journey is that we want to keep our children alive and we need to talk about them and why they died. Finding the right support group or counselor is vital. The loss of a child is never about pity, and all it takes is a parent to lose a child to know that. Our grief is part of the journey because we hurt like the dickens. And whatever it takes for us personally we have to find a way that helps us to cope.
Chad getting ready to play Elvis on Halloween
Let me tell you a few things about Chad. He was one of the most caring, giving, unselfish, supportive, hard-working men I know (all my boys are hard-working). I don’t normally like to use the word proud, but I am so very proud of who Chad was and what he represented. He was such a likable, kind, funny, and handsome man who enjoyed life, but who also took some big losses. I miss him so much. I miss all my children when they’re not around, but Chad won’t be coming back. That’s something I’ll never be able to accept. Maybe part of it is because of how he died.
He had some valleys in his too short life, some real heartaches that crushed him. His two brothers have their own special qualities and no less loved and admired, but Chad is the one I worried about the most. He took on what was not a load he should’ve carried. Honestly, I’m still waiting for him to show up because it’s impossible to believe he’s really gone. Most days I don’t know how I’ll make it through without him.
Chad’s life wasn’t lived in vein. One of the things he talked to me about was his faith and his desire and prayers that his stepchildren would come to know God. I’m happy to say that his prayers are being answered.
For any parent who is grieving over the loss of a child I am so very sorry. There is no pain as great as when we lose a child, nothing will bring as much anguish. I wish each person would have to live one day as if they had lost a child so that everyone would understand.
Finding support is essential. Although I haven’t found exactly what I’m looking for, I’ve found that hearing about the heartaches of others who are going through the same thing does make us realize we’re not alone in our grief. A grieving parent needs to have a listening ear with someone who has respect and compassion for the process.
I just want to say that I don’t blame God. He allowed this to happen for a reason. He didn’t make it happen, He just didn’t stop it from happening. He knows the terrible suffering this is causing. Yet even through this heartache, even when I’m lost in so much grief I don’t think I can go on another minute, I know that no one has or will ever suffer like when He died for us. No matter what happens, I believe with all my heart that one day the questions will all be answered. And then everything will be crystal clear.